Wednesday, November 25, 2009

New Moon Rhyming: The Saga Continues

What happens when forever ends too soon?
The angst continues and it's called New Moon.

The second book of the saga by Stephenie Meyer,
Brings werewolves into the mix with humans and vampires.

But before this recap gets into all the sad and sullen
Let’s scream or smile at the mere mention of Edward Cullen!!!!!

Bella and Eddie were still going steady a few months after Twilight,
Crazy in love and all of that stuff – but she still couldn’t get him to bite

She wants to be transformed but he’s repeatedly told her,
He’s not making her a vampire – she’ll just keep getting older

Bella’s birthday at the Cullen’s goes well for a little bit,
Until she gets a paper cut and Jasper loses his shit.

Carlisle’s on hand to stitch her up and talk about her soul,
But Edward starts withdrawing, and acting like an @$$hole

It was just a little bloody accident, Bella pleaded and insisted
But Edward said he had to go and it would be like he never existed

After he disappears, Bella plunges deep into her despair,
It’s not the healthiest breakup, but it’s Edward Cullen (!!!) to be fair.

After a movie in Port Angeles, Bella thinks she sees a familiar stranger,
And hears Edward’s voice warning her as she is drawn towards the danger

So Bella decides to put herself in more precarious situations
Hoping motorcycles will also lead to Edward hallucinations

She goes to Jacob Black and asks him to fix up some bikes
And is surprised she’s found a human that she genuinely likes

Being around Jacob helped put Bella back together
He was her sun – with him she started to feel better

Jake was doing a good job growing up, and Bella couldn’t deny
That with rock-hard killer abs, he was sort of a beautiful guy.

It seems fitting to reference the film and of course mention
Taylor Lautner’s performance… and his physical perfection.

When Bella falls off her bike and her face hits the dirt,
The only way to fix a cut is for Jake to take off his shirt.

Right around this time, the lines of friendship start to blur
Bells tells Jake she doesn’t feel the way he feels about her

She says she loves him as a friend and needs him around
He promises her the world even though she just shot him down

He swore he'd never hurt her - unlike that other guy...
But then he turned into a werewolf – a likely alibi

He disappeared, refused her calls, and never called her back
But give him a break, he's busy with a wolf (and smoking six-) pack.

And wherefore art thou hot vampire – aside from Bella’s imagination,
Victoria wants revenge and Laurent’s at large... not an ideal situation

For Bella who’s in trouble until a pack of wolves arrive
And manage to kill Laurent and keep our heroine alive

Jacob couldn't tell her truth but Bella eventually guessed,
That the wolf stuff all traced back to the guy with whom she's obsessed

She was often alone when Jacob went off to shape shift,
So one day she decided to go ahead and jump off a cliff.

Jacob pulls Bella out of the water, once again keeping her alive,
On the way home she considers giving in to a moment she knew would arrive

But the scent of vampires is in the air, which means they can't be far,
And suddenly Bella sees the familiar sight of a Cullen's car.

Jacob begged her not to go inside - but of course Bella refused,
Say what you want to say, but her loyalty has never been confused.

She fears Victoria's waiting, and is thrilled it’s Alice instead
Who is absolutely shocked to find a Bella that isn't dead.

Jacob returns the next day, just like a loyal pup,
And when Edward calls Bella’s house - on his rival, Jake hangs up

Alice sees what has happened and what inevitably will,
When Edward provokes the Volturi - he'll be theirs for the kill

Edward needs to see Bella in the flesh before it is too late,
Jacob begs her to stay for him, but she's got another date.

Virgin Airways flies them direct to Volterra, the Italian city,
Where Bella must come through - a world without RPattz would be a pity!

She must break through red-robed masses before the clock strikes noon,
And stop Edward from acting like Romeo - a tragically impulsive loon.

Through the fountain she goes, as Edward's shirt comes undone,
And Bella pushes him back as he steps into the sun.

He thinks that he's died; he’s obviously not the sharpest chap,
Cause they’re alive, and dealing with the Volturi – oh crap!

Red-eyed Aro’s impressed by the trio, but Bella not what he unexpected,
She’s immune to mind readers, and when Jane inflicts pain she’s unaffected.

Since Bella knows more about vampires than they’ll allow anybody,
Her choices are: be killed, be a vampire, or join the Voltur-ati.

Bella will become a vampire – information we can find
When Alice reads the future and Aro reads Alice’s mind.

Bella and friends are free to leave Volterra and head back to the states,
To ponder inter-species relationships and star-crossed lovers fates

Reunited with the Cullen’s, Bella puts her mortality to a vote,
The majority say change her, which Carlisle will do if Edward won’t

Of course she wants it to be Edward, who says he’ll stop opposing,
If Bella agrees to marry him… I guess this is his way of proposing.

She’s staunchly against marriage, but eternal damnation is great
Undead forever is one thing –  there's still a high divorce rate

And of course there’s Jacob the werewolf, Bella’s former best friend
Who reminds Edward about the biting terms that'd bring their truce to an end

The message is clear, but keeping Jacob in her life is Bella’s vow
It won’t be easy but Edward's back so nothing’s impossible now

When and how everyone in this love triangle comes to grips
Is fodder for the next book/movie, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

But before we jump ahead and pre-purchase tickets for June,
Let's take time to bask in the amazing glow of the New Moon

For never was a story of more desire
Than this of Bella Swan and her vampire

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Twilight: The Saga Begins... in Rhyme

For the Twi-hard fans of Twilight, it seems like a good time,
To chronicle the chronicles of the saga in rhyme.

Here’s Stephanie Meyer’s series, recapped and summarized,
Starting with the 1st book (& movie) that fans have immortalized

At the beginning of Twilight we meet Isabella Swan,
Our seventeen year old heroine who has got her “emo” on

Moving from Renee in Arizona to live with Charlie in Forks,
Bella hopes to slip in unnoticed and hide among the other dorks

But much to her dismay, at school she’s clearly the hot new dish,
In fact, one Edward Cullen thinks that she would be delish!

First less subtle paramours vie for Bella’s attention,
Mike Newton doesn’t waste a day before showing his affection.

Yet Bella is more captivated by a particular clique
Specifically, a certain somebody, who’s kind of a dick.

These are the Cullens - the foster children of the doctor,
Pale-skinned beauties so gorgeous it nearly shocks her

There’s Rosalie & Emmett, and Jasper & Alice,
And Edward, the fifth wheel that throws her heart off balance

Jessica says, “Don’t bother” - but Bella’s attraction is impulsive
It’s too bad he seems to find her utterly repulsive.

But when a car almost kills her, Edward saves the day,
Although Bella swears she saw him standing several far away

She wouldn’t just ignore this supernatural strength and speed,
Knowing Edward was surely a very different breed.

For the first time she dreams of her pale-white, white knight,
And so begins the love story at the center of Twilight.

Though initially keeping their distance is what Edward recommends
He soon turns around to Bella and admits he wants to be friends.

She calls his bluff and invites him on a beach trip with the gang,
But they’re going to La Push, where Cullens cannot hang.

Bella goes and gets some info that she’s not sure what to make of,
Courtesy of future third wheel, her childhood pal Jacob.

He tells her crazy La Push legends of mythological creatures
Describing vampires who share a lot of Edward’s traits and features

Bella does her research and Edward confirms her suspicion
After rescuing her again – it’s fast becoming their tradition

He reveals that he’s a vampire but unlike bloodsucking barbarians
The Cullen’s don’t drink human blood – calling themselves vegetarians.

He’s gorgeous, he reads minds - with the exception of Bella,
He plays piano, he’s immortal, he’s the prince to her Cinderella.

And though he’s a vampire who craves her blood, she’ll go out on a limb
Because she is unequivocally and irrevocably in love with him.

Their affections declared, it’s time to have some fun,
First things first – to the meadow to see Edward in the sun.

Bella asserts yet again that being together is worth any risk,
Edward finally pops her vampire cherry and they share their first kiss

In the book it happened in the meadow; in the movie , her bed,
And wow – yeah, we get it – we’d rather be dead.

Take a minute – think of Robsten in all of their glory,
And then we’ll resume with the Cullen’s back story.

Edward was dying of influenza and was about to expire
When Dr Carlisle Cullen turned him into a vampire

Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett were followed by two final additions,
Jasper who manipulate emotions and Alice who has premonitions

Bella meets Edward’s family so it would only seem right
To introduce Charlie to the guy who doesn’t sleep in her room each night

They resist temptation even though they spend every night together,
And go out for a vampire family baseball game in thunder stormy weather

Visiting vampires check out the ballgame, including James the tracker,
Who see the Cullen’s brought a human, and he has to attack her.

The hunt is on and Bella needs to get out of town
She’ll go hide out in Phoenix while Edward brings the predator down

Unfortunately James escapes and there’s an impending sense of doom
When Alice has a vision of the hunter alone in a mirrored room.

Bella knows that this is the dance studio, located near her house,
James quickly lures her there, in a high stakes game of cat-and-mouse

He’s such a vampire of our time – got to have the kill recorded,
Yet with the slow and painful death he’s planned, extra time is afforded…

For Edward and the Cullen’s to bust in and win the fight,
And suck Bella dry of venom spreading from the vampire’s bite

She wakes up in the hospital – still alive and still in love
Edward promises never to leave her – but will that be enough?

Though his word will be tested, that’s not until later on,
First there are human rites of passage like going to the prom

Jacob stops by to give Bella a message at the dance,
But even this foreshadowing can’t hurt the star-crossed lover’s great romance

Bella Swan and Edward Cullen are meant to be together
Their co-dependent, all-consuming devotion’s “enough for forever”

Here is where Twilight ends but the story just begins,
Thank goodness ‘cause we’ve got a case of the Rob Pattinson’s

The sexy stare and messy hair have us totally Robsessed
But there’s a sexy pup that’s growing up and we’re already impressed

So Team Edward, Team Jacob, Team Jedward stay tuned,
Get ready cause America’s about to be New Moon-ed!