Wednesday, November 25, 2009

New Moon Rhyming: The Saga Continues

What happens when forever ends too soon?
The angst continues and it's called New Moon.

The second book of the saga by Stephenie Meyer,
Brings werewolves into the mix with humans and vampires.

But before this recap gets into all the sad and sullen
Let’s scream or smile at the mere mention of Edward Cullen!!!!!

Bella and Eddie were still going steady a few months after Twilight,
Crazy in love and all of that stuff – but she still couldn’t get him to bite

She wants to be transformed but he’s repeatedly told her,
He’s not making her a vampire – she’ll just keep getting older

Bella’s birthday at the Cullen’s goes well for a little bit,
Until she gets a paper cut and Jasper loses his shit.

Carlisle’s on hand to stitch her up and talk about her soul,
But Edward starts withdrawing, and acting like an @$$hole

It was just a little bloody accident, Bella pleaded and insisted
But Edward said he had to go and it would be like he never existed

After he disappears, Bella plunges deep into her despair,
It’s not the healthiest breakup, but it’s Edward Cullen (!!!) to be fair.

After a movie in Port Angeles, Bella thinks she sees a familiar stranger,
And hears Edward’s voice warning her as she is drawn towards the danger

So Bella decides to put herself in more precarious situations
Hoping motorcycles will also lead to Edward hallucinations

She goes to Jacob Black and asks him to fix up some bikes
And is surprised she’s found a human that she genuinely likes

Being around Jacob helped put Bella back together
He was her sun – with him she started to feel better

Jake was doing a good job growing up, and Bella couldn’t deny
That with rock-hard killer abs, he was sort of a beautiful guy.

It seems fitting to reference the film and of course mention
Taylor Lautner’s performance… and his physical perfection.

When Bella falls off her bike and her face hits the dirt,
The only way to fix a cut is for Jake to take off his shirt.

Right around this time, the lines of friendship start to blur
Bells tells Jake she doesn’t feel the way he feels about her

She says she loves him as a friend and needs him around
He promises her the world even though she just shot him down

He swore he'd never hurt her - unlike that other guy...
But then he turned into a werewolf – a likely alibi

He disappeared, refused her calls, and never called her back
But give him a break, he's busy with a wolf (and smoking six-) pack.

And wherefore art thou hot vampire – aside from Bella’s imagination,
Victoria wants revenge and Laurent’s at large... not an ideal situation

For Bella who’s in trouble until a pack of wolves arrive
And manage to kill Laurent and keep our heroine alive

Jacob couldn't tell her truth but Bella eventually guessed,
That the wolf stuff all traced back to the guy with whom she's obsessed

She was often alone when Jacob went off to shape shift,
So one day she decided to go ahead and jump off a cliff.

Jacob pulls Bella out of the water, once again keeping her alive,
On the way home she considers giving in to a moment she knew would arrive

But the scent of vampires is in the air, which means they can't be far,
And suddenly Bella sees the familiar sight of a Cullen's car.

Jacob begged her not to go inside - but of course Bella refused,
Say what you want to say, but her loyalty has never been confused.

She fears Victoria's waiting, and is thrilled it’s Alice instead
Who is absolutely shocked to find a Bella that isn't dead.

Jacob returns the next day, just like a loyal pup,
And when Edward calls Bella’s house - on his rival, Jake hangs up

Alice sees what has happened and what inevitably will,
When Edward provokes the Volturi - he'll be theirs for the kill

Edward needs to see Bella in the flesh before it is too late,
Jacob begs her to stay for him, but she's got another date.

Virgin Airways flies them direct to Volterra, the Italian city,
Where Bella must come through - a world without RPattz would be a pity!

She must break through red-robed masses before the clock strikes noon,
And stop Edward from acting like Romeo - a tragically impulsive loon.

Through the fountain she goes, as Edward's shirt comes undone,
And Bella pushes him back as he steps into the sun.

He thinks that he's died; he’s obviously not the sharpest chap,
Cause they’re alive, and dealing with the Volturi – oh crap!

Red-eyed Aro’s impressed by the trio, but Bella not what he unexpected,
She’s immune to mind readers, and when Jane inflicts pain she’s unaffected.

Since Bella knows more about vampires than they’ll allow anybody,
Her choices are: be killed, be a vampire, or join the Voltur-ati.

Bella will become a vampire – information we can find
When Alice reads the future and Aro reads Alice’s mind.

Bella and friends are free to leave Volterra and head back to the states,
To ponder inter-species relationships and star-crossed lovers fates

Reunited with the Cullen’s, Bella puts her mortality to a vote,
The majority say change her, which Carlisle will do if Edward won’t

Of course she wants it to be Edward, who says he’ll stop opposing,
If Bella agrees to marry him… I guess this is his way of proposing.

She’s staunchly against marriage, but eternal damnation is great
Undead forever is one thing –  there's still a high divorce rate

And of course there’s Jacob the werewolf, Bella’s former best friend
Who reminds Edward about the biting terms that'd bring their truce to an end

The message is clear, but keeping Jacob in her life is Bella’s vow
It won’t be easy but Edward's back so nothing’s impossible now

When and how everyone in this love triangle comes to grips
Is fodder for the next book/movie, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

But before we jump ahead and pre-purchase tickets for June,
Let's take time to bask in the amazing glow of the New Moon

For never was a story of more desire
Than this of Bella Swan and her vampire

1 comment:

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